onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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