You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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