well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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