Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
