Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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