Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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