I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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