It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
