I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
