Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
