he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
