i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
