Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
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I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
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I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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