he told me I talked like a deaf person
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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