When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
