Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
