that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
