he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
