I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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