Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
