Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
