I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
