Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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