Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
