Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
