Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
