I'm really into asian looking animals
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
