after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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