But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you didnt know i had herpes?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
