OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
