It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Randomize
