This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
