you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
