i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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