yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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