Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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