hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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