dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
