seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
