i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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