Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
