R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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