You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
