im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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