My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
