whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
