I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Fuck appropriateness.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
