Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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