i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
