sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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