i don't like sucking hair
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
