Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
