like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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