I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
where does the pee come out of this thing
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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