i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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