He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
