last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
