my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
