I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
