she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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