it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
