my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
