Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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