Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
