I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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