I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
