Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
