my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
