I just pynch a tree in the face
I faked an abortion last night.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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