So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
