Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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