Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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