He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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