I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Green mimosas i think yes
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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