I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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