I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I wish I only lived at night.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
