Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
